If you’re a grown-up with his or her life in order, you’re probably really good at getting your have-to’s done. You know, the things you actually have to do in order to maintain a job and a home: getting to work on time, paying the bills, buying groceries, etc.
You probably also have in your mind a few things you think you should* do that you’re not doing very often, if you’re doing them at all: exercise, meditation, reading, etc. If you’re one of the rare folks who is crushing both your have-to’s and your shoulds, kudos to you. For everyone else, don’t feel bad – there’s nothing wrong with you. Getting in your shoulds in addition to your have-to’s really just comes down to strategy.
There are, of course, many strategies for getting shoulds done, but today I want to focus on just one: doing your shoulds before your have-to’s.
Most people understandably prioritize their have-to’s, since, well, they have to do them. But often, by the time you’ve completed your have-to’s, your energy is shot, or at least you think it is, so you throw in the towel and quit working for the day. (Or maybe finishing your have-to’s makes you feel like you’ve earned the right to ignore your shoulds and watch Colbert, though I personally can’t imagine feeling that way.)
The truth is, if you save your shoulds for the end of the day, you’re probably not going to do them. So the solution is to do them first. Do your shoulds right away, when you’re fresh and your willpower reserves are on high. You’ll definitely get to your have-to’s because, hey, you’re a responsible adult gosh darn it.
This is the main principle behind my morning routine. I’ve designed my mornings to be full of shoulds and devoid of have-to’s. Most importantly, I don’t allow the outside world access to me through phone or email until after I’ve completed a whole host of self-care behaviors that I know I should do every day. Why? Because emails and texts and phone calls are usually things I have to reply to, and I don’t want that stuff preventing me from getting my shoulds done.
Here are a couple of thoughts people use to justify doing their have-to’s first and their shoulds never:
- I should take a little break because I’m starting to get cranky, but I have to get this project done!
This is understandable, and it seems logical, but it’s not wise. You’ll do better work if you take a little break. Both your productivity and your creativity increase when you’re well-rested.
- I should exercise more, but I’m too busy!
This one’s easy. Exercise makes you healthier, happier, and smarter,1 allowing you to sustain a high level of business for the long haul. Also, not having time is a nonsense excuse because, as Robin Sharma said, “If you don’t make time for exercise, you’ll probably have to make time for illness.”
And my short answer to both of these would be: Everything counts, so find more OTMs.
What’s one thing you’ve been neglecting to do that you know would make your life better? Okay, do it right now, before you do anything else. And tomorrow, do it first thing in the morning before you do what you have to do. Start a calendar chain and make that one thing your top priority every day. You won’t regret it.
*“Should” is a problematic word, but I’ll save that lengthy discussion for another day. The short version is that “should” implies a self-critical judgment that can trigger shame. It’s generally better to think things like, That would be helpful, and I could choose to do it, rather than beating yourself up for not doing the things you “should” do.
1 Ratey, John J., MD. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Little, Brown and Company, 2008.