Skip to content

Blog

How Your Self-Image Improves

James Clear (author of Atomic Habits) recently wrote something that I disagreed with: “You will rarely outperform your self-image.”1 Actually, this is precisely how you improve your self-image, but you can only outperform it incrementally, improving your self-image bit by bit via self-perception. Your self-image is partly the result of your thoughts – what you think you’re capable of. But a larger factor is your actions – what you’ve seen… Read More »How Your Self-Image Improves

How to Criticize Without Triggering Defensiveness

Perhaps the only thing harder than receiving criticism without becoming defensive is giving criticism without triggering defensiveness. I, for one, struggle mightily with this. When I criticize someone’s behavior, ask them to do something differently, or point out an error they’ve made, I tend to sound judgmental. It seems that, by default, my tone of voice and choice of words make them feel attacked, so they often get defensive. So,… Read More »How to Criticize Without Triggering Defensiveness

How to Handle Criticism Without Getting Defensive

Few things are harder in life than taking criticism well. I find that anytime someone tells me that I’ve done something wrong, no matter how minor, my brain starts generating a long list of reasons why I’m actually right, why their criticism is irrational, and why they’re actually the ones who have screwed up. This response is, shockingly, not helpful. So I need to get better at taking criticism. And… Read More »How to Handle Criticism Without Getting Defensive

Are You Wearing Pain-Colored Glasses?

If someone is overly optimistic, we say they’re wearing rose-colored glasses. That is, they see the world in a distorted way, making things appear better than they really are. This can cause many problems, which is why I prefer realistic optimism. Rose-colored glasses might make things look nice, but they don’t help you succeed. The opposite affliction, however, is much more common. A great many people see the world through… Read More »Are You Wearing Pain-Colored Glasses?

New here?

For over a decade, I’ve been focused on one question: How do we actually become better, in ways that last?

This blog shares the lessons, tools, and ideas I’ve found most useful—grounded in research and experience.

Subscribe to get new insights delivered to your inbox.