Apparently, we’ve all been reading The Declaration of Independence wrong.
In Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff explains what “the pursuit of happiness” actually meant:
“Back in Jefferson’s day… the common usage of the word ‘pursue’ was not ‘to chase after.’ In 1776, to pursue something meant to practice that activity, to do it regularly, to make a habit of it.”1
So Jefferson meant that we should be free to pursue happiness in the way that someone might pursue art or music, not in the pleasure-seeking, materialistic way we too often chase happiness today.
This is not an idle distinction. Sources ranging from Buddhist philosophy to modern science agree: Chasing after happiness doesn’t work, but happiness, like art or music, is a skill you can learn and practice.
The Folly of Chasing Happiness
There’s a phenomenon you might be familiar with called “the hedonic treadmill.” We seek pleasure from things like chocolate, sex, drugs, and television. These things feel good, but the enjoyment we get is short-lived, and we’re left craving more. It’s called a treadmill because we’re always running, but we never get anywhere.2
The same goes for pursuing goals. We think that reaching an important milestone – getting a promotion, winning an award, running a marathon, etc. – will make us happy, but the resulting happiness is also short-lived. And then we set off toward another, bigger, better, shinier goal, in the false hope that its achievement will bring lasting satisfaction.
So why do we chase happiness? And why is it so fleeting?
The answer to both of those questions is human nature.
We chase after happiness because we’re genetically programmed to do so. Our brains evolved to get us to pursue things that help us survive and pass on our genes: food, shelter, mates, status, etc. and our brains motivate us to chase those things with the promise of lasting satisfaction.3
But the happiness we get from gaining what we want is always short-lived. This is because, to maximize our odds of survival and reproduction, we had to keep striving. A perpetually satisfied person would be unmotivated, and so they would be far less likely to pass on their genes. 3
Is there a better way?
Yes.
The folly of chasing happiness was observed by the Buddha thousands of years ago, and he offered a simple solution: Give up the chase and accept reality as it is now.
This, however, is easier said than done. And I believe it’s just one element of a better happiness strategy. Modern science has revealed many things you can do – practices – that will increase your happiness.
The smart approach to long-term happiness is to simultaneously stop chasing the quick, shallow pleasures we’re naturally drawn to and instead turn our attention toward the physical and mental activities that produce lasting satisfaction.
But before we get into the specific practices, let’s take a look at a group of people who are, surprisingly, happier than most.
Older people are happier.
You know that grumpy old man who’s always complaining? Well, he’s an outlier.
Older people today are, on average, happier than younger people.4 And this isn’t just a phenomenon of our current era. According to a variety of research, people become happier as they get older.5
There are some circumstantial reasons why older people might be happier – retirement, less stress, deeper bonds with family and friends because those relationships have had time to mature – but these are counterbalanced by reasons why they wouldn’t be happier – more aches and pains, physical and cognitive decline, the loss of friends and family.
Since the reality you experience as you get older isn’t any better, it must be your response to reality that improves – your thoughts and your choices. And researchers have been keen to understand just what it is that old folks do differently that makes them happier.
Why are older people happier?
Over all, as people age, they are less affected by daily hassles and more affected by positive events.6 They become better at “focusing on and remembering positive events and leaving behind negative ones … letting them view life in a sunnier light.”7 They develop the wisdom to “brush off life’s small stressors”4 rather than getting upset every time something doesn’t go as planned.
They know, from long experience, that most things aren’t a big deal. Plus, they’ve been forced to handle enough things that were a big deal – major losses and disappointments – that they know how to let go.7
Older folks are also better at minimizing social conflict:
“Older people have fewer rows and come up with better solutions to conflict. They are better at controlling their emotions, better at accepting misfortune and less prone to anger. In one study, for instance, subjects were asked to listen to recordings of people supposedly saying disparaging things about them. Older and younger people were similarly saddened, but older people less angry and less inclined to pass judgment, taking the view, as one put it, that ‘you can’t please all the people all the time.’”5
This all strongly suggests that people are improving their response to reality through practice.
But just because we get better at happiness as we age doesn’t mean we should passively let this process happen. It means we should accelerate the process by deliberately practicing happiness every day.
How to Practice Happiness
Here are some of the best ways to practice happiness. Most of these come from the field of positive psychology, but a few are derived from Buddhism, Stoicism, and my own experience.
Generosity and Service
Seeking pleasure for yourself doesn’t produce deep, meaningful, or lasting happiness, but helping others does.8 Seeking to make other people happy is one of the best ways to make yourself happy.
This is, in part, because generosity sends a signal to your brain that you are living in abundance. You have so much time, energy, and money that you can afford to give it to others.
Selfless acts of kindness also reinforce a self-image that you can be proud of. Believing you are a good person and having behavioral evidence to support that belief feels good.
Choosing Meaning Over Pleasure
Similarly, working toward meaningful goals will leave you with a deeper sense of satisfaction than chasing pleasure. Doing work that matters is difficult, but it’s also fulfilling.
Find more ways to use your signature strengths in service to something bigger than yourself. Take on challenges that will make you a better person and make the world a better place. Choose activities where it’s possible to get into flow.
And remember, you have competing wants, so you can choose virtuous desires over hedonistic ones.
Gratitude
Turning to the realm of thoughts, cultivating an attitude of gratitude is a powerful way to practice happiness. This can be done via gratitude journaling, thank you letters, savoring, and simply saying “thank you” more often.
The antithesis of gratitude is complaining, so the counterpart to gratitude practices is trying to avoid complaining. Complaining makes you less happy and makes you less proactive.
Upon careful consideration, we can discover that many of the things we complain about are actually privileges. And you can learn to see the things you “have” to do as things you get to do.
Mastering Your Thoughts
Self-administered cognitive therapy is another key happiness practice.
This entails rejecting unhelpful and untrue thoughts, reinterpreting reality in a better light, and regulating your emotions via thoughts and actions.
Mindfulness meditation complements this practice by helping you become more aware of your thoughts. Unsurprisingly, regular mediation leads to increased happiness.9
Acceptance
The final happiness practice is acceptance. This is less about increasing good feelings and more about diminishing the suffering caused by bad feelings.
Our instincts would have us resist negative emotions and physical pain, but this amplifies the suffering they cause. Wishing bad feelings would go away is understandable, but it doesn’t work and only serves to make you feel worse.
Similarly, trying to avoid discomfort is a doomed effort. You would be better off embracing discomfort, seeing it as both inevitable and beneficial.
Avoiding Practice
The happiness practices described above have one thing in common: They all require effort. So, it should be no surprise that we’re often inclined to avoid practice.
The most common way people avoid practice is through consumption. Rather than dealing with their problems, they distract themselves with addictive, dopamine-inducing drugs, food, and media.
The quick hit of pleasure you get from things like booze, sugar, and Instagram might temporarily numb your pain and make you feel better, but it won’t last. Take those things away, and you’ll discover that you don’t know how to be happy without them because you haven’t been practicing.
Furthermore, practicing happiness rather than chasing it is counterintuitive. And because this approach is counterintuitive, it’s easily forgotten or dismissed. So a big part of the practice of happiness is fighting against what comes naturally and choosing, thoughtfully, the wiser approach.
1 Shimoff, Marci. Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy From the Inside Out. Free Press, 2008.
2 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
3 Wright, Robert. Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment. Simon and Schuster, 2017.
4 Oaklander, Mandy. “Old People Are Happier Than People In Their 20s.” Time.
5 The Economist. “Why people get happier as they get older.” Medium. Dec 23, 2016.
6 Zhavoronkov, Alex, PhD. “Aging Brings Us Closer To Death. Why Do We Get Happier As We Age?” Forbes. Aug 11, 2021.
7“Why Are Older People Happier?” Association for Psychological Science. January 5, 2012.
8 Park, S., Kahnt, T., Dogan, A. et al. A neural link between generosity and happiness. Nat Commun 8, 15964 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1038/ncomms15964
9 Puff, Robert, Ph.D. “Meditation Can Make You Smarter (and Happier).” Psychology Today. September 15, 2013