No one likes being told what to do. (It’s not just teenagers.)
But you’ve probably been tempted on more than one occasion to give unsolicited advice to a colleague, friend, or family member. I sure have.
How’d that go?
Were you surprised that your ideas were not welcome? That they resisted, got defensive, and ultimately didn’t follow your advice?
Often, telling people what to change or how to change causes them to become more entrenched in their current ways. Like the counterintuitive nature of a Chinese finger trap, telling people what to do usually has the opposite of your intended effect.
You would actually have more influence if you kept your mouth shut and modeled the behaviors, strategies, and mindsets you would like them to adopt. Be the change you would like to see in those around you. Let your life be your lecture.
Influencing others this way is more effective because they don’t feel judged, so they don’t get defensive. It does, however, require more patience. Your modeling will not rub off on them immediately. And there’s no guarantee they’ll follow your example. But we know how things go when you just tell them what to do, so this is really your only option.
P.S. Leading by example rather than telling people what to do is a major theme of Parenting for Academic Success.