You are what you repeatedly do.1
Any behavior that you repeat over years naturally solidifies into part of your identity. This makes the behavior feel impossible to change – like it’s just who you are. But this is wrong. You can still change; it’ll just be harder.
I was a marijuana addict for 11 years. For much of that time, it felt like I couldn’t possibly be anything else. The behavior was so deeply ingrained, it had become inseparable from my identity. But now, after 11 years of sobriety, the reverse is true. I’ve repeatedly chosen to not use drugs so many times that I can’t imagine using again.
Most of your habits won’t be that extreme, but the principle is still the same. You are the choices you repeatedly make. You are not your thoughts, but you become the thoughts you repeatedly embody.
Here’s how Erik Barker recently put it:
“Want to be more disciplined? Then act disciplined. And then do it again until it’s a habit. This is how character forms.
‘I can’t change. This is who I am.’
Translation: ‘This is the habit I’ve practiced so long that it feels like identity.’”2
Your Habits Shape Your Identity
Who you are, or who you believe you are, is determined by your habits. This is because of self-perception – the way your brain is always watching what you do.
Every time you repeat a behavior, your brain uses that as evidence of your identity. “I got up early and went to the gym again, so I’m a person with strong willpower who prioritizes fitness.” Or, “I hit the snooze button on my alarm 17 times today, just like I did yesterday, so I’m a lazy person who can’t get out of bed.”
Neither identity is really true; neither is set in stone. Either can be changed, and the way it changes is the same way it got established in the first place: repetition.
Choose an Identity, Then Become It
If you want to become a different kind of person, you have to act like that kind of person. As Amy Cuddy put it, you can “Fake it till you become it.”3 Here’s how the process works:
- You choose the identity you want.
- You repeatedly embody that identity through your behavior.
- This slowly builds up evidence that you really are that person.
- Gradually, you transition from forcing yourself to do something that feels unnatural to doing what you (now) always do with ease.
Let’s say you want to be a writer, but you hardly ever sit down and write. You decide, “I’m going to act like a writer.” You set a schedule: write for 30 minutes every morning before breakfast. It’s a struggle at first, but you commit to the habit and stick with it. Day after day, week after week, the repetitions pile up. More and more, the act of sitting down to write feels normal and natural. Eventually, after months of writing every morning, you realize that you really are a writer now.
Chipping Away at Your Old Identity
Unless you’re a newborn baby (and if you are, kudos for being able to read this), this process doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If you’re trying to replace a bad habit with a good habit, you already have an identity that is the opposite of the one you’re trying to establish. So it’s not just the case that you’re building a new identity; you’re also trying to dismantle your old one.
Here again, repetition is the name of the game. Every time you don’t do what your old identity would have you do, you chip away at it. The process is slow. At first, it’ll feel like you’re attacking Michaelangelo’s David with a flathead screwdriver. But as wind and rain eventually wear down a mountain, you will succeed if you keep at it.
What Are You Practicing?
“Whether you realize it or not, you are practicing something every day.
Each time you follow through, you are practicing discipline. Each time you put something off, you are practicing delay. Every time you choose patience, restraint, effort, or attention, you are adding fuel to one kind of fire. Every time you give in to distraction, temper, avoidance, or impulse, you are adding fuel to another.” –Ryan Holiday4
Often, the gravity of the choices we make has little to do with the physical consequences of those choices and more to do with the psychological consequences. Eating a donut isn’t a big deal, but reinforcing the identity of an indulgent junk-food lover might be. You are what you repeatedly eat.
My leg day at the gym is a good workout, but that’s not nearly as important to me as the exercise of willpower it requires: It’s a difficult, uncomfortable thing to do, and choosing to do it reinforces the identity I want. The physical practice is important to me, but the psychological practice matters more.
Finally, here’s Barker again:
“You’re always practicing something. Tell the truth when it hurts and you practice honesty. Show up tired and you practice reliability. The question to keep asking: what is this next action teaching me to be?”2
1Rascouët-Paz, Anna. “Did Aristotle say excellence is a habit?” Snopes. May 26, 2025.
2Barker, Eric. “This Is How To Live A Good Life: 5 Secrets From Ancient Wisdom.” Barking Up The Wrong Tree. July 20, 2026.
3Cuddy, Amy. “Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are.” TED.
4Holiday, Ryan. The Daily Stoic Email. July 19, 2026.
Chris Loper has been writing about self-improvement and helping busy adults with habit formation since 2017.
He also writes an education blog for parents and students for Northwest Educational Services.
Along with Greg Smith, Chris is the cocreator of Parenting for Academic Success, a series of transformative classes that create empowered parents, confident students, and harmonious families.
His most recent endeavor combines his academic and habit-formation expertise to help students thrive in college. Visit SmartCollegeHabits.com to learn more.
In 2021, Chris published a humorous memoir titled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations, a book that blends crazy stories with practical life lessons.
He lives in Issaquah, WA where he is the owner of South Cove Tutoring.