I often write about self-perception – the idea that your brain is always watching what you do for clues about how to feel and what to think. This means your actions influence your thoughts and emotions just as much as the other way around.
And in this dynamic, actions speak louder than thoughts, which is great because so many of our thoughts are unhelpful or just plain wrong. Thus, we can use self-perception to combat negative thinking and the unpleasant emotions that come with it.
We can also use self-perception to shape our identity, changing how we see ourselves for the better. If you want to become a certain type of person, start acting like they would. Behave like them long enough, and you will see yourself – and truly be – like that person. As Amy Cuddy said, you can “fake it till you become it.”1
But does anything make self-perception more powerful?
I recently realized that the answer is “yes.”
You see, we often do things because of the people around us: social pressure, the desire to be liked, wanting to show off or be seen as good, etc. In such scenarios, self-perception will be weaker because our brains know that we’re acting a certain way for other people.
On the other hand, when no one is watching, self-perception is at its strongest. If you’re doing something all on your own, it must be because of your own values, so it must align with your true identity.
Your actions speak loudest to yourself when you’re alone, when you’re accountable to no one but yourself. So what you choose to do during those times is uniquely powerful, for better or for worse.
If you do things that you can be proud of, you’ll feel better about yourself than if you performed those same actions in the presence of other people. But if you do something selfish, it will register more deeply than if you did it in public.
So, ironically, your personal integrity is most on the line when no one else is watching because the observer who matters most is paying the most attention: you.
1 Cuddy, Amy. “Your body language may shape who you are.” TEDGlobal 2012.