“The goal of adulthood is to let go of the other possible existences and to make the best of the one. A successful adult is one who understands that it doesn’t matter which life you ultimately pick, only that you live it well.” –Chris Ballas1
We live in a time of abundant choice. There are thousands of careers to choose from. There are millions of people you could theoretically meet, befriend, date, or marry. Nearly any niche hobby you can imagine exists and has a community you can join. And we have the freedom to invent new careers, create new hobbies, and develop new communities.
Compare this to what life was like for the vast majority of human history. Whether you lived in a hunter-gather tribe, a Roman village, or a medieval city, your options were severely limited by where you were born and who your parents were. You chose from a handful of career options, if you got to choose at all. More likely, you did exactly what your parents did. Your options for friends, romantic partners, and hobbies were highly constrained. Your community was chosen for you.
I certainly wouldn’t trade modern life for how people lived in the past. I love having options. I love the life those options have allowed me to build. But creating a meaningful life in the modern world is more complicated, and what it means to be a “successful” adult can be confusing.
That’s one thing the old days have on us.
In the past, meaning was determined by your culture. Success meant thriving in that culture, doing what was expected of you, fulfilling your role within the community. It was simple. No one expected you to innovate, forge your own path, or figure out “life” on your own. Back then, being successful meant making the best of the life you were given.
In the modern world, we mistakenly think being successful means living the best possible life. We believe it’s about choosing the best life from the myriad of options available to us. But really, being successful in the modern world is less about what life you pick and more about how you live it. That part hasn’t changed.
The abundance of choices we have discourages commitment. It can lead us to forever waffle about what we want to do or whom we want to be with. We plant a seed, but quickly grow bored of tending to it, moving on before it can ever take root. This is a shame because full commitment is necessary to do just about anything well.
Another consequence of abundant choice is regret. We beat ourselves up over missed opportunities. We long for the road not taken – the road that has long-since become unavailable.
Don’t do this. Put your attention on the path you’re on. Put your energy into making the most of the life you’ve chosen. That’s how to be a “successful” adult.
This is not to say that you can’t change your mind and pick a new path. You can. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side. But usually, the grass is greener where you water it.
1Ballas, Chris. “A Surprising Number Of Teens Think They’ll Die Young, Or Live Forever, Whichever Comes First.” The Last Psychiatrist. July 13, 2009.
Chris Loper has been writing about self-improvement and helping busy adults with habit formation since 2017.
He also writes an education blog for parents and students for Northwest Educational Services.
Along with Greg Smith, Chris is the cocreator of Parenting for Academic Success, a series of transformative classes that create empowered parents, confident students, and harmonious families.
His most recent endeavor combines his academic and habit-formation expertise to help students thrive in college. Visit SmartCollegeHabits.com to learn more.
In 2021, Chris published a humorous memoir titled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations, a book that blends crazy stories with practical life lessons.
He lives in Issaquah, WA where he is the owner of South Cove Tutoring.