I recently had an epiphany about how to make moral decisions.
The answer was so simple:
Choose whichever option is least selfish.
Should I help my friend move or say I’m busy that day?
Should I remain at the table after everyone has finished eating or get up and do the dishes?
Should I give money to charity or buy myself a new bike?
The option that is less selfish is almost always better.
Life is complicated.
Of course, life is messy, and the choices we face are rarely binary. Most of the decisions we make aren’t black-and-white choices between being selfish and being generous. And it can be impossible to know the full impact of our choices.
For example, if I come upon some unexpected extra money, there are many different things I could do with that money. Just to name a few, I could put it into savings, invest it in the stock market, buy something for myself, buy something for someone else, or donate to any number of excellent charities. There isn’t necessarily a “right” choice.
So this method of making moral decisions isn’t some foolproof, philosophically rigorous principle. But when I’m unsure which path to take, I find it helps to ask myself: “Which option is least selfish?”
Perfection isn’t realistic.
Importantly, it isn’t realistic to always choose the option that is truly least selfish. Instead, when I make choices, I’m just trying to move towards less selfishness. Rather than trying to make the best decision possible, I’m using this lens to make better moral decisions.
For example, I know that it would be least selfish if I were to completely stop eating meat. It would be better for the planet and better for the animals who suffer in factory farms. But I’m not ready to completely give up meat. I can, however, slide down the spectrum toward less meat and better meat. So I’ve swapped out meat for tempeh 2/3 of the time, cut out mammals entirely, and I try to only buy cage-free or free-range poultry. This is far from perfect, but these are steps toward better.
I also know that ceasing all unnecessary material purchases would allow me to give more money to charity, and doing that would be a lot less selfish than buying a bunch of stuff I want but don’t need. But rather than deny myself all the time, I try to only buy myself “stuff” (usually new board games) occasionally. Plus, I have a policy of donating a matching amount to charity whenever I make such a purchase.
My moral decision-making is far from perfect, and yours probably will be too. Don’t judge yourself. (And please know I’m certainly not judging you.) Instead, be kind to yourself and patiently work on becoming better.
Self-care isn’t selfish.
We also need to keep in mind that self-improvement and self-care are not selfish.
Taking good care of your mind and body is essential if you want to be helpful to others in the long run. Sure, you might be more helpful to others today if you devote all your time to acts of generosity. But if you do that, you’ll quickly burn out and be unable to help others in the future.
I can even apply the “choose whichever option is least selfish” method to being good to myself. When faced with a choice between my current desires vs. the wants and needs of my future selves, I can choose to be generous to my future selves rather than indulging the wants of my current self.
On the other hand, being kind always makes me feel better than being selfish, so even generosity isn’t completely selfless.
Alternative Language
Lastly, choosing whichever option is least selfish could be reframed or rephrased in several ways:
- Choose whichever option is kinder.
- Choose whichever option is more generous.
- Choose whichever option you’ll be more proud of.
All of these are basically the same. They’re simple filters that make it easier to know which choice is better. The more often we apply these filters and listen to what they tell us, the better people we will become.