Should you tell people about your goals? The answer to this question is both surprising and important. Getting it right often makes the difference between success and failure.
The answer, it turns out, depends on the type of goal you’re pursuing. The two major categories of goals are quitting and creating. Quitting goals are things like giving up sugar, getting sober, or staying off of social media. Creating goals are things like writing a book, starting a business, getting in shape, or building a meditation habit.
For both types of goals, I got this wrong for many years.
Quitting vs. Creating
If you’re quitting something, you should tell everyone.
The most important goal I had in my early adulthood was quitting drugs. I was a binge-drinking marijuana addict for about ten years, and I knew full-well that I needed to quit. But I was also ashamed of my addiction, so I kept it a secret as best I could.
I tried to quit several times, but I didn’t tell anyone. This created three problems:
- I didn’t have any social support for this goal.
- People would still offer me drugs in social settings.
- Since no one knew I shouldn’t be using, I didn’t feel any social pressure to live up to my word.
I only succeeded at quitting when I told all my friends and family that I was 100% committed to being clean and sober for the rest of my life. Telling everyone unlocked social support and created accountability, which were invaluable in keeping me on track.
On a smaller scale, I recently did my quarterly fast. In other words, I quit food for 24 hours. And this time, I happened to be hanging out with friends who were, of course, eating. I made sure to tell them that I was fasting so that no one would offer me food and so that I would be held accountable.
Now you might think that you’d also want support and accountability for creative projects, but you’d probably be wrong.
You see, if you tell people about a project before it’s done, you’ll actually be less likely to work on it. I know that sounds odd, but research has shown this to be the case. When you tell people about your project, you get a little boost of good feelings. But that emotional reward is undeserved because you haven’t done the work yet. Your brain, ever eager to both feel good and conserve energy, reasons that you don’t really need to do the work, and subsequently reduces your motivation.1
So if you’re creating something, you should probably keep it a secret.
When Social Pressure Backfires
I’ve had many ideas for big, creative projects over the years: businesses, books, etc. And I was always eager to talk about them because I was excited. I also thought that telling people would motivate me to work on them.
But it didn’t.
Let’s use the example of writing a book, something I’ve faltered on many times. Telling people about my book idea always made me feel good in the moment, but then later I would feel anxious.
Oh crap, I just told them I’m writing a book. What if it’s no good? What if I don’t even finish it? They’ll think I’m a failure.
Shockingly, those thoughts were neither helpful nor motivating. So with my latest project, a humorous memoir called Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations, I took a different approach.
A Flood of Inspiration
I had the idea for this book late one night in early July of 2020.
A funny story came to mind, along with a little life lesson that could be gleaned from it. Thinking I might use it in a blog post, I wrote it on a sticky note and went to bed. But before I could shut my eyes, another story had come to mind, so I got up and wrote that one down too. I had barely stood up to go back to bed when I remembered another story.
The flood gates had opened.
When I finally stopped having ideas and went to bed, there were more than a dozen sticky notes on my desk, I knew the book’s title, and I couldn’t wait to get up the next day and start writing.
This kind of creative inspiration wasn’t new – the exact same thing had happened with all the other projects that I never finished. But what was new was that I resolved to keep it completely secret until it was done.
The Weird Power of a Secret Project
At first, it was hard to keep my mouth shut about it. When my partner asked, “How was your day?” I would respond with a little too much excitement in my voice, “Great! I got a ton of writing done!” Then she would ask, “What were you writing today?” and I’d falter and reply, “Um, just blogs.” Thankfully, I do write blogs, so that made for a good cover story.
Quickly, however, I came to embrace the secret project. It felt cool to be creating something behind closed doors that no one else knew about. I mean, it was just a book, but I kind of felt like a mad scientist. And most importantly, that icky anxiety I always got from telling people never showed up.
In fact, having the book be a secret motivated me to finish it as quickly as possible because then I could share it with the world and get that emotional reward you get from telling people about your project – only this time, it would be deserved.
It took me eight months of working in secret to finish my rough draft. I printed it out, walked downstairs, and presented it to my very surprised partner.
Only then did I start telling people about it, but still not everyone. I only told people who could help me with it – friends who could serve as editors and my brother (who has experience self-publishing). I remained wary of telling anyone else because there was still a lot of work to do. It took another three months to get the project across the finish line.
Then, when it was finally ready to share with the public, I got to joyfully surprise everyone with the completed book.
Complications
Although I’ve made the case for keeping goals like this secret, there are times when you should tell people about your projects. Specifically, you should tell people who can help you achieve your goals when you would otherwise have great difficulty achieving them on your own.
For example, if you want to start a business, and you need a business partner and start-up capital, you’re going to have to talk to some people about your idea. Or if you want to advance in the company you work for, you should talk to your manager about it because they can mentor you. Plus, there is evidence that announcing your goal to people of higher status increases your commitment to the goal.2
If you’re training for a half-marathon, it can help to have a buddy to train with. When you have a plan to meet up and go running together, it’s harder to just say “screw it” and stay on the couch. Also, signing up for the race in advance is a form of telling people about your goal, but it does so in a way that powerfully commits you to doing it.
Lastly, if your goal will involve sacrificing time you normally spend with your family, you’ll need to communicate that to them and make sure everyone’s on board.
But don’t just go tell everyone. For creative projects and personal advancement, you should only tell the people who are absolutely necessary to tell. Save everyone else for the celebration when you’re actually done.
P.S. Are you struggling to finish (or even start) a creative project? I can help. Email me today to schedule a free habit coaching consultation.
1 Sivers, Derek. “Keep your goals to yourself.” TEDGlobal 2010.
2 Klein, H. J., Lount, R. B., Jr., Park, H. M., & Linford, B. J. (2020). When goals are known: The effects of audience relative status on goal commitment and performance. Journal of Applied Psychology, 105(4), 372–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000441