Note: I’m referring to being proud of things you’ve done, not being proud of your identity or things outside your control, such as the country you happened to be born in. There’s nothing wrong with that sort of pride – it’s just not what I’m talking about here.
Would you rather feel pleasure or pride?
Pleasure is certainly more tempting. It’s easily accessible, and it calls out strongly, begging for your attention, enticing you to choose it.
Pride, meanwhile, sits quietly atop a tall mountain. It can only be reached by hard work. It waits patiently to be earned.*
But ease of access shouldn’t be the driving factor. Instead, you should think carefully about which one you would rather feel.
*The right kind of pride, anyway.
Look to the future.
Flash forward to the end of the day/week/month/year … to the end of your life.
What would you rather feel as you look back?
Glad you chose easy pleasure?
Or proud of your hard work, your wise decisions, and your contributions to the world?
Both are good.
Both pride and pleasure feel good, but the satisfaction of pride is deeper and longer lasting.
Pleasure isn’t bad, but it often comes at the expense of what’s best for you and what’s best for other people.
Sometimes, you can have both. But more often, you have to choose one or the other.
Be aware of your choices.
Usually, when we’re faced with a choice between pleasure and pride, we don’t recognize the choice. We see it as a choice between what we want to do and what we should do:
- Watch another episode or get ready for bed?
- Order the burger and fries or a salad?
- Sleep in or get up and work out?
- Have a beer or stick with water?
- Have dessert or decline and go brush your teeth?
- Play video games or read a book?
- Buy yourself a new watch or give the money to charity?
We view the things we should do negatively, as a way to avoid feeling guilty. Instead, we should view them as a way to access pride – as a source of powerful, positive emotions.
This way, it’s not a choice between what you want and what you don’t want, but a choice between two different wants. Then you can ask yourself, “What do I want more?”
You can make pride your default option.
When you’re facing such choices, you’ll probably feel resistance to taking the wiser option. But if deep down you’d rather feel pride than pleasure, then resistance is a compass. Your aversion actually points you toward the correct option.
Doing what resistance tells you not to do takes practice. And like anything else you practice, it gets easier. Choose pride often enough, and it will start to feel normal. You’ll feel less aversion. Your willpower identity will improve.
You can accelerate this process through achievement reminders and pride journaling – two things that help you feel like the kind of person who makes wise choices. In the long run, you can make pride the default option and pleasure a rare indulgence that is the exception in your new, exceptional life.