Some people avoid self-improvement because they believe that devoting time to becoming better is inherently selfish. The world has so many problems and the people around us have so many needs that it’s selfish to devote energy to self-care and personal growth. After all, any time spent helping yourself is time not spent helping others. In this view, things like meditation and yoga are self-indulgent, frivolous luxuries, hiking should be replaced with planting trees, and a weekend of quiet reading should be replaced with political activism.
I believe this mindset is fundamentally misguided.
This is another example of how we struggle to balance the short term and the long term, and, as usual, we’re more likely to neglect the long term. If your goal is to maximize the amount of good you can do, then self-improvement and self-care are wise investments. Sure, you can contribute more today by skipping your self-care routine and getting straight to the work of saving the world, but you’ll be able to contribute more over your lifetime if you stick to your self-care routine. And you could jump straight into the work of helping others, but you’ll be more effective in your efforts if you spend some time every day training your brain muscles, increasing your self-efficacy, and engaging in relentless learning.
Self-improvement isn’t selfish.
The hard work of fighting for what’s right includes the hard work of mastering yourself and taking good care of yourself. It’s not selfish to spend time improving yourself, even as the world screams for help. In order to be there for each other, we have to first be there for ourselves.
The first thing you should do every day is set yourself up to have the mental strength and physical energy that contribution requires. That’s why my morning routine includes exercise, meditation, and a nutritious breakfast. And underlying all of that is a good night’s sleep, which, admittedly, I don’t always get. These self-care practices set me up to be at my best throughout the day, which makes it more likely that I’ll be useful, kind, and generous to other people.
Just as doing the right thing for yourself isn’t always easy, doing the right thing for other people is often difficult. The willpower you develop for the purpose of self-improvement can also be used to act in a more ethical way toward other people. The same self-control you might use at the grocery store to resist buying candy can be used to resist yelling at someone who has upset you. The willpower you use to do yourself favors can also be used to do favors for other people.
On the other hand, if you feel that you lack the personal strength to do what’s best for yourself, you might also feel you lack the strength to do what’s best for other people. But let me be clear; this is not to say that people who don’t take good care of themselves are bad people who are incapable of helping others. That is clearly not the case. All I’m saying is that strengthening your willpower for the purpose of self-improvement will give you more willpower to employ in the pursuit of helping others.
Similarly, happy people tend to be more generous, and generosity leads to more happiness.1 Thus, becoming better and helping others reinforce one another in a positive feedback loop. Happier people are also more effective in the workplace,2 which is helpful to customers and coworkers alike. In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky notes that “if we become happier, we benefit not only ourselves but also our partners, families, communities, and even society at large.”3 But this doesn’t mean unhappy people can’t or don’t contribute; it just means that working on your own personal happiness is likely to benefit others as well.
“I think that what depression has taught me is that I need to listen to myself and take care of my own needs first. Today I choose me. Then out of my abundance I can care for other people.” –Claudia Meadows4
Interdependence
The more you achieve freedom for yourself, the freer you’ll be to help others. How many of us would like to give more money to charity, but can’t afford to? Financial freedom and professional success can resolve this dilemma. How many of us would like to volunteer more often, but don’t have the time? Enhanced productivity can create that time. The more you live a healthy, values-driven life, the more you lead by example, helping others do the same.
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey writes, “As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings. Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent.”5 Self-mastery is how you learn to be independent, and this allows you to tap into the power of interdependence.5 In other words, self-improvement makes it possible for you to work with others more effectively. Improving yourself makes you a more valuable member of your team, and it enhances the power of your collaborations.
As we sort out our own addictions and inner demons, we develop greater empathy for the struggles of the people around us. As Pema Chodron notes in When Things Fall Apart, “When we become more insightful and compassionate about how we ourselves get hooked, we spontaneously feel more tenderness for the human race.”6 Matthieu Ricard echoed this wisdom in his book Why Meditate:
“The ultimate reason for meditating is to transform ourselves in order to be better able to transform the world. To put it another way, we transform ourselves so that we can become better human beings and serve others in a wiser and more effective way.”7
It’s hard to reach out and lend a helping hand when your arms are tied down by bad habits. The more time you spend watching TV, surfing social media, getting drunk, or getting high, the more the forces of apathy and evil win. Every moment you spend wasting time or being distracted is a moment not spent creating value, not spent learning, not spent supporting each other, not spent resisting what is wrong or building what is right. If that’s you, please know I’m not judging, I’m not perfect, and I’m here to help. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t have fun. Have fun, but let it be true re-creation: recreation that restores your health and sanity, fun that renews your energy.5
“So, let’s remember that our spiritual practices aren’t about providing personal escapes. They’re about becoming the type of people capable of truly serving our families and communities.” –Brian Johnson
And let’s remember that self-improvement isn’t selfish.
1 Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment. McGraw-Hill Education, 2007.
2 Achor, Shawn. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work. Crown Business, 2010.
3 Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Press, 2007.
4 Oakley, Barbara, Ph.D. Mindshift: Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential. Penguin Random House, 2017.
5 Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Fireside, 1990.
6 Chodron, Pema. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. Shambhala Publications, 2000.
7 Ricard, Matthieu. Why Meditate?: Working with Thoughts and Emotions. Hay House, 2010.