Note: Like many of my posts, this is basically a letter to myself.
“Wait like you’re early.” –Shane Parrish1
Patience has always been a struggle for me, but reading the phrase, “wait like you’re early,” unlocked something in my brain. I repeat it to myself when I’m stuck in traffic or at a red light, and it helps.
Compare how you would act and how you would feel in the following two scenarios:
- You’re driving to an event, and you hit unexpected traffic. You left the house a little bit late, so you were maybe going to barely make it on time. Now you’re definitely going to be late.
- You’re driving to an event, and you hit unexpected traffic. But you left the house early, so you had time to spare. Now, rather than being early, you’ll simply be on time.
In scenario 1, most people get frustrated or anxious. They might start driving a little less safely: changing lanes constantly to gain a slight edge, pointlessly tailgating the driver in front of them (who is stuck in the same traffic as you).
In scenario 2, most people would calmly accept the traffic, shrugging their shoulders and continuing to drive as they normally would.
Note that the response to scenario 1 both feels bad for you and is bad for you and everyone else on the road because it leads to unsafe driving. And at the same time, it doesn’t get you to your destination any faster. You’re still going to be late, so you might as well accept it and drive normally. You might as well wait like you’re early.
The classic response to scenario 1 is also an example of how impatience is irrational. It’s an understandable response but not a helpful one. And if a response is unhelpful (and worse, harmful), then there’s no good reason to have that response.
What good does it do to get impatient with your kid or your spouse? With a store clerk? With a coworker or client?
Impatience is resisting what is. It’s fighting reality. And reality doesn’t change just because we don’t like it. In fact, by resisting it, we amplify our suffering.
You might not have time to spare. But if you act like you do, you’ll feel better and behave better. The best way to counteract impatient thoughts is with patient action because actions speak louder than thoughts.
So here’s to accepting life’s inevitable delays with the serenity and grace of someone who has all the time in the world, even though we don’t.
Here’s to waiting like we’re early.
1Parrish, Shane. “The Easy Part.” Farnam Street. No. 643. August 24, 2025.
Chris Loper has been writing about self-improvement and helping busy adults with habit formation since 2017.
He also writes an education blog for parents and students for Northwest Educational Services.
Along with Greg Smith, Chris is the cocreator of Parenting for Academic Success, a series of transformative classes that create empowered parents, confident students, and harmonious families.
His most recent endeavor combines his academic and habit-formation expertise to help students thrive in college. Visit SmartCollegeHabits.com to learn more.
In 2021, Chris published a humorous memoir titled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations, a book that blends crazy stories with practical life lessons.
He lives in Issaquah, WA where he is the owner of South Cove Tutoring.