Self-improvement can be overwhelming. If you spend an hour reading posts on a blog like this one or start watching Philosopher’s Notes TV on a regular basis, you’ll quickly flood your brain with a plethora of new behaviors to try. Plus, you probably already have a long list of things you’d like to improve about yourself or your lifestyle: behaviors you’d like to quit or do less often, behaviors you’d like to start or do more often, goals you’d like to achieve, emotions you’d like to experience more or less often, etc.
It would be wonderful if you could change everything all at once. But you can’t. All available research indicates trying to change too many aspects of your life at one time will lead to burnout and failure. If you’ve ever tried the New Years’ Resolutions routine – quit drinking, quit sugar, go to the gym every day, start meditating, watch less TV, and read more – you know what I’m talking about.
The only reliable and sustainable approach to self-improvement is to focus on changing just one thing at a time.1 After that one change has become ingrained in your life as a strong habit, you can pick another behavior to work on. New behaviors take time to solidify into habits – anywhere from a few weeks to several months. This approach takes patience, but it actually works. It allows you to evolve into a better lifestyle without overloading your willpower.
So where to begin?
Before I answer this question, I want to you stop reading, pull out a piece of paper, and write down all the things you’d like to improve about your life, all the goals you want to achieve, and all the things you want to change about yourself.
Seriously, if you just read through that and thought, I’ll do it later, stop. Go get paper and pen right now and do it. I’ll wait.
Done? Okay, good. Now we can talk about where to begin.
This is the part where you get upset with me for not giving a definitive answer. But I’m going to give you something better than a clear prescription. I’m going to give you a framework that will empower you to think wisely about this question, so you can answer it for yourself.
There are two main paths to choose from: keystone habits or low-hanging fruit.
Keystone Habits
In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg defines keystone habits as the behaviors that matter most.2 They are the things that have a huge effect on your life.
Your keystone good habit is the behavior that, if you did it consistently, would have the greatest positive impact on your life. For instance, if you’re someone who doesn’t exercise, working out consistently could be your keystone good habit. The benefits of exercise for your physical health, cognitive ability, and psychological well-being are so significant that this is probably the most important thing you could do.3
Your keystone bad habit is the behavior that, if you stopped doing it, would have the greatest positive impact on your life. Drug addiction is the most obvious example. If you’re addicted to alcohol, opiates, or any other drug, then you’re likely suffering a wide range of negative consequences: physical, mental, social, and financial. When I was an addict, there was nothing more important for my success and well-being than quitting marijuana.
It’s possible to have two keystones at play – one good and one bad – or you might just have a single behavior that is obviously more important than all others. If you can’t think of any, pause and ponder this question from Tim Ferriss:
“What is the one goal, if completed, that could change everything?”4
Ferriss was talking about entrepreneurial goals, but the same logic applies to self-improvement. Sure, when I was a drug addict, I would have benefited from eating healthier, meditating, or watching less TV, but the benefits of achieving those goals paled in comparison to the benefits I would get from becoming sober.
Another way to determine your keystone habit is to imagine various changes you might make and judge your reaction to them. Whatever triggers the most psychological resistance is probably your keystone habit. If you consider a change, and your brain goes, Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. and then proceeds to come up with a dozen excuses (sorry, “reasons”) why you can’t do that, you’re looking at a keystone habit. In other words, the thing that makes you the most uncomfortable is usually the most important thing for you to do.
There’s a good argument to be made for starting here. Changing a keystone habit is virtually guaranteed to set off a cascade of positive outcomes in many areas of your life. The boost in self-efficacy you’ll get from succeeding with a keystone habit will make you feel unstoppable. It will make all of the little things you’d like to change easier. The sort of things most people put on their New Years’ resolutions lists (and then fail to do) will become child’s play.
This approach appeals to me because it’s like diving headfirst into a cold, mountain lake rather than wading in slowly, tortuously. I’m a fan of ripping Band-Aids off, eating my frogs first, going cold-turkey, and probably a bunch of other clichés I can’t think of right now. If your keystone habit is the most important thing to change, then just get it over with already.
Given those benefits, why would anyone take a different approach?
Well, because taking on a keystone habit is really, really hard. Your habitual thoughts and behaviors are carved into your brain like a deep river. Plus, any keystone habit you have is ingrained into your sense of identity, so changing it is threatening to the personal narrative you’ve been telling yourself (and others) for years.5 The resistance your brain generates to oppose this kind of change is very hard to overcome.
Because of all that, many people favor the opposite approach to major change: only taking on a keystone habit after grabbing all of the low-hanging fruit.
Low-Hanging Fruit
There are probably a dozen or more little things you could change that would get you started along the path of self-improvement. Examples include eating more vegetables, eating less sugar, walking more, getting more sleep, spending more time in nature, watching less TV, and reading more. For most people, making an improvement to any one of these would be fairly easy. It would take some willpower, and effective strategies should be used, but it would be doable.
And they can all be approached incrementally. You can start making slightly better choices today. Each incremental improvement you make is a small win, and each small win contributes to your momentum. For example, eating one extra serving of vegetables per day isn’t very hard to do, but it will simultaneously improve your brain health and your willpower identity. Plus, if it takes a little willpower to do it, you’ll strengthen your willpower brain muscle. In this way, taking a positive step can kick-start a willpower virtuous cycle that makes future use of willpower easier.
If you’re feeling like I was when I started my self-improvement journey – that is, if you feel like you’re just too lazy to make any serious changes – then the low-hanging fruit approach is probably right for you. Pick the easiest improvement you can think of and commit to making that small change. Use strategies like The 20-Second Rule or a calendar chain to make it easier.
Focus on that one change for at least a month. After a month or two, if this change is feeling easy and normal, pick the next easiest thing. As the months go by, you’ll steadily improve your behavior, become healthier, strengthen your willpower, and start to feel more and more like the kind of person who does what’s best for themselves. Eventually, your momentum will be strong enough for you to tackle a keystone habit.
Blending the Two
Now, it’s not the case that you have to exclusively pick one path or the other. You don’t have to ignore all the low-hanging fruit when you’re working on a keystone habit, and you don’t have to wait until you’ve changed all the little things before you’re allowed to address the big one. Many people find that a blended approach works best.
Personally, I started down the path of self-improvement long before I ever succeeded at getting sober. And I’m sure that the momentum I built and the skills I learned changing minor things helped me when I was finally ready to change the big thing. But It’s also true that after I fixed my keystone bad habit by getting sober, there was a cascade of benefits. Small changes became extremely easy, and I radically accelerated my self-development and professional growth.
Making a Plan
Now, back to that list you made. (You did make the list, right? If not, make it now.)
Circle the thing or things on that list the might be keystone habits for you. Which item on your list is the most important? What would have the most positive impact on your life if you did it? If you feel motivated to make that change, start there today. Go all in. 100% commitment. And make a plan. Get clear on when, where and how you’re going to make this change. And if you think you’ll need help (hint: you’ll probably need help), ask friends and family to keep you accountable, find a support group, or use a behavioral change coach (like me).
But if you’re not feeling up for the big change, underline all the items on your list that seem easy. Then rank them in order from most easy to least easy. (Use numbers.) Commit to the easiest one, make a plan, and start today.
A Word of Caution
It’s common for people who are just starting their self-improvement journey to be hard on themselves for falling short. But here’s the thing: You’re going to screw up. That’s normal and completely okay. Perfectionism isn’t going to help you. Swap that totally unhelpful way of thinking out for some helpful mindsets, like a growth mindset or the belief that everything counts. Start taking steps in the right direction, and when you slip backward, give yourself permission to be human. Then, get up, dust yourself off, and start walking again.
1 Ben-Shahar, Tal. Psychology 1504: Positive Psychology. Harvard Open Course, 2009.
2 Duhigg, Charles. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2014.
3 Ratey, John J., M.D. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Little, Brown & Company, 2008.
4 Ferriss, Timothy. The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich. Harmony, 2009.
5 Manson, Mark. “How to Stop Procrastinating.” July 12, 2015.