Two trees we found in Spain whose branches have fused together. They grow up in parallel but hold hands along the way.
My wife and I just celebrated our five-year anniversary. It was a little surreal to realize that five years had gone by since we got married on the couch in my parents’ living room (back in COVID times).
The occasion prompted me to reflect on how much we’ve grown in the last five years. Christina isn’t obsessed with self-improvement like I am, but she’s been growing steadily, nonetheless.
We rarely work on the same personal growth goals, though. Instead, we grow independently, in parallel. In theory, this could cause us to grow apart, but it hasn’t. We both get a great deal of satisfaction witnessing and celebrating each other’s growth. We’re both quite proud of each other.
During the past five years, Christina became a National Board Certified Teacher, which required a ton of hard work. She also became the leader of her school’s WEB program, something that means a lot to her. And she got certified to be a PE teacher in order to broaden her options. Christina started running again and completed five half marathons in 2026. She made some new running friends and signed up for even more races next year. And she got really good at sewing cloth napkins. They’re beautiful and very nice to use.
I built my tutoring business up from almost nothing to about $90k per year. I also created Smart College Habits because it turns out that I’m perfectly suited to help students thrive in college (and I love the work). I published a humorous memoir: Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations. I co-created a video course called Parenting for Academic Success, which has helped dozens of parents enjoy better relationships with their children. I cured a rare, chronic medical condition that had plagued me for over a decade. And I overcame a crazy heel injury, a foot surgery, a wrist injury, and, most recently, a broken ankle.
In addition to growing in parallel, we have also grown through some shared endeavors. We welcomed Benny into our life and love having him be part of our family.
Christina suggested we try birding, and we both grew to love it. We developed some excellent routines around bulk meal prep. We bought and remodeled a home. We cultivated several new friendships and deepened many older ones.
And these are just the outwardly visible signs of growth that are easy to describe. There have been countless bits of inner work done, both individually and together, to improve our health and to cultivate mindfulness, wisdom, and gratitude.
A good relationship doesn’t require that you always do the same things. I can’t run, and my wife doesn’t ski, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you keep holding hands as you grow in parallel, so that, like those trees we found in Spain, in the end, you grow together.
Chris Loper has been writing about self-improvement and helping busy adults with habit formation since 2017.
He also writes an education blog for parents and students for Northwest Educational Services.
Along with Greg Smith, Chris is the cocreator of Parenting for Academic Success, a series of transformative classes that create empowered parents, confident students, and harmonious families.
His most recent endeavor combines his academic and habit-formation expertise to help students thrive in college. Visit SmartCollegeHabits.com to learn more.
In 2021, Chris published a humorous memoir titled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations, a book that blends crazy stories with practical life lessons.
He lives in Issaquah, WA where he is the owner of South Cove Tutoring.