Happy New Year! The holiday parties are over, the cookies have been eaten, and that can only mean one thing: It’s time to make your New Year’s resolutions. But this year’s going to be different. You’re actually going to succeed in this annual ritual of behavioral change. Why? Because this year you’re going to be strategic.
Before we dive in, two caveats in case you’re reading this after January 1st:
- If you’ve already failed to keep your resolutions, you’re totally allowed to start over.
- If you happen to be reading this in May or October, everything still applies. There’s nothing magical about January 1st. You can make a change today.
Okay, with that out of the way, here’s the program:
#1 Pick one.
Note how my title says “New Year’s Resolution” – singular – not “Resolutions” – plural.
Plural = failure.
This is my #1 tip because it’s the #1 reason people fail at this. They make a list of all the things they’d like to change about themselves, they make a valiant effort for about a week, and then, with their willpower thoroughly depleted, they give up. I know it’s hard to be patient, but changing one thing at a time is the only sustainable way to do the work of behavioral change. Change is hard and becoming better takes time.
So just pick a single behavior you’d like to change, and focus on that one thing. The good news is you don’t have to wait until January 1st, 2019 to change another behavior. You can select a second habit to build as soon as the first has become easy and routine. This will probably take about two months, maybe longer.
Believing you can change everything all at once is an example of unrealistic optimism, while believing you can change a handful of behaviors each year, one at a time, is an expression of realistic optimism.
#2 Go all in.
A half-hearted commitment to change isn’t going to work. Make a firm, 100% commitment, and you’ll discover that, not only are your efforts more fruitful, they’re also easier. In fact, the word “resolution” means ‘firm resolve’ or ‘determination,’ so be resolute.
#3 Make a clear plan of action.
A vague notion about something you’re going to change simply will not work. Get clear on when, where, and how. Make a plan and write it down. And then leave that written plan somewhere visible as a reminder.
#4 Use reminders.
Assume you’re going to forget and saturate your world with reminders. Put your new behavior on to-do lists, write it in your planner, leave yourself notes, put up signs in your home, or write it on your hand – whatever it takes. Make it impossible to forget, and you’ll increase the likelihood of sticking to it.
#5 Schedule it.
Don’t just say, “I’ll meditate every day at 8:00 am.” Put that into your electronic calendar as a recurring appointment. This, of course, is another form of reminder.
#6 Only tell others strategically.
If you’re quitting something, tell everyone. You don’t want people to offer you drinks if you’re quitting drinking, and you don’t want people gifting you baked goods if you’re quitting sugar. Quitting something you’re addicted to is hard. You’ll need social support, and it helps to have people holding you accountable. Furthermore, most addictions come with a great deal of shame, and shame only grows worse when we’re silent.1 The antidote to shame is talking about the thing you’re ashamed of.1
On the other hand, if you’re starting a habit like meditation or exercise, tell only one person whose job it is to hold you accountable. Preferably, this person will have the same goal as you, so you can hold each other accountable and help motivate each other. My favorite example of this is the healthy mid-life crisis documented in the hilarious YouTube series 100 Days.
Lastly, if you’re committing to working on a project, tell no one. Starting a business or writing a book? Announcing that you’re doing so before you’ve done the work gives you an early, undeserved emotional reward that actually diminishes your motivation to do the work.2 Quietly plug away on your project, only telling people whose help you need, and keeping it a secret from everyone else.
#7 Track your effort.
Collect data on how often you do what you’ve committed to doing. Consider using a spreadsheet or a calendar chain.
#8 Envision a better future.
This means two things.
First, think about your why. What benefits will your future selves enjoy if you stick to your resolution? Are you looking to grow your career or business? Are you aiming to be healthier or happier? Are you trying to lead by example for your family? Do you want more freedom?
Whatever your reasons are for changing, write them down and leave them somewhere you’ll see them. You’ll need this to help you overcome the inevitable impulse to give up. Use this list to argue against the excuses your mind generates. Believe in your reasons why; don’t believe your excuses.
Second, remember that change is only hard in the beginning. After a short while, it gets easier because you build momentum. Eventually, the new behavior develops into something you just do automatically. It becomes who you are.
#9 Use a coach.
Seriously. Change it hard. You could use some help.
I’ll help you apply strategies and tactics that fit your unique situation and personality. I’ll help you understand not only what works, but also why it works, so you can become the master of your own behavior and unlock your incredible human potential.
To learn more about habit coaching, click here, or send me an email: chris@becomingbetter.org.
1 Brown, Brené. “Listening to shame.” TED2012.
2 Sivers, Derek. “Keep your goals to yourself.” TEDGlobal 2010.