After reading dozens of self-development books and listening to hundreds of book summaries, I still think Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is the most important and most useful of any title in the genre.
The first habit he prescribes is “Be proactive.”1 But what does that mean?
The root “act” in the heart of that word is telling: Being proactive is all about taking action. By contrast, passive behaviors like complaining, blaming, and making excuses are definitively not proactive.
One version of being proactive is planning ahead: anticipating future needs and taking steps to be prepared. While this version of proactivity is very important, I want to focus on another version: responding to challenges.
In his exposition on being proactive, Covey emphasizes our ability to rise above our feelings and our circumstances by making choices that align with our values.1 He implores us to be resourceful and take initiative, especially when things aren’t going well.1 In his view, the opposite of being proactive is being reactive – allowing stimulus to dictate response and, in doing so, neglecting to exercise our free will.1
Another of my favorite teachers, Tal Ben-Shahar, explains this principle in a different way. He encourages us to be proactive by asking us to be “active agents” rather than “passive victims.”
In any case, here are seven questions that will empower you to take charge of your life, face difficulties head-on, and help create a better future for us all.
#1: What am I going to do about it?
For any problem you have or any challenge you face, this is the #1 question to ask. When bad things happen, we often feel paralyzed – stuck in victim mode. This question helps you move forward. This question doesn’t deny the existence of bad luck or unfortunate circumstances. Nor does it deny that things are difficult or unfair. It simply says, “Okay, given that things didn’t play out the way you wanted, what are you going to do about it?”
Or when you see something bad coming your way, this question prompts you to prepare. For instance, if you can predict a coming bout of unhappiness, you can take steps to prevent it from turning into full-blown depression.
#2: What can I try?
There isn’t always a definitive answer to the first question, but there are always things we can try. In life, we never have perfect information. Yet, in the face of that uncertainty, you can move forward by generating options and conducting little experiments.
#3: How am I responsible?
By “responsible,” I do not mean guilty or at fault; I mean response-able. This is another idea from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits. It doesn’t necessarily matter who created the problem. What matters is who has the power to do something about it. Asking yourself “How am I responsible?” means asking yourself what you can do to improve the situation. Regardless of who is at fault, this question empowers you to take positive action.
#4: What do I have control over?
This question helps you figure out how, exactly, you are response-able. There are a great many things we feel concerned about – things that matter to us – and among all those things, there are two categories: things can control and things we cannot. The only place we should put our energy is into those things we have some degree of control over.
Asking this question will help you avoid wasting energy complaining about or fretting over those things that are outside of your circle of influence. And, Covey points out, when you proactively work within your circle of influence, you expand it:1
#5: What do I want to create?
A good indicator that you’re working inside your circle of control is that you have the power to create something. This question comes from Steve Chandler’s book Creator. (He gives Steve Hardison credit for asking it.) Here it is in full:
“Okay, given that that’s the situation, what would you like to create?”2
One thing I love about this question is its acceptance of reality. “Okay, given that that’s the situation” immediately takes off of the table something that is no longer within our control: the past. We don’t have to like the situation we’re in, but since we’re here, we might as well make the best of it. Often, the way to make the best of something is to actually make something.
Responding proactively to a problem could involve creating a physical solution, such as when my father and I dug a trench in our backyard and installed a French drain when the basement was flooding. More often, though, it will involve creating something less tangible: a new habit, a better communication pattern, or a home environment more conducive to achieving your goals.
When something has gone wrong, you might want to create a system to prevent the same problem from happening again. For example, if the problem resulted from forgetfulness, rather than imploring yourself to “Just remember better dammit!” you could create a system of reminders.
#6: What kind of person do I want to become?
One thing you can create is a chosen identity. Proactive people don’t settle for ineffective identities. They don’t make passive excuses like “I’m just lazy” or “I’m just not good at remembering names.” Proactive people have a growth mindset: They know they can grow and change, overcoming bad genes, a bad upbringing, or long-ingrained bad habits.
This question reminds you that you have the power to choose the roles you play in life. Envision the type of person you want to be, and start acting like that person today. Start doing the things they would do. Through spaced repetition, your identity will start to shift, and you’ll actually become that person.
Speaking of which, one of the best ways to become a proactive person is to act like a proactive person, and serving others is one of the best ways to do that, which brings us to our final question …
#7: How can I be of service?
Remember that becoming better isn’t all about you; it’s about becoming a version of yourself that is more capable of serving others and sharing your gifts with the world.
Humanity faces many problems, and it often feels like any action we take will be too small to make a difference. But that is a passive victim’s way of thinking. In every circumstance, you have the power to be useful and magnanimous, and everything counts.
1 Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Fireside, 1990.
2 Chandler, Steve. Creator. Maurice Bassett, 2019.
Further reading: Being Proactive: The Most Important Mindset.